All right, Phoebe?
If I were omnipotent for a day, I would want world peace. . .
. . .no more hunger, good things for the rain forest.
And bigger boobs.
Well, see, you took mine.
What about you?
If I were omnipotent for a day, I'd make myself omnipotent forever.
There's always one guy. . . .
''If I had a wish, I'd wish for three more wishes. ''
Hey, Joey.
What would you do if you were omnipotent?
Probably kill myself.
Excuse me?
If little Joey's dead, then I got no reason to live.
Joey, omnipotent.
You are?
Ross, I'm--
The One With George Stephanopoulos
English Subtitles by GELULA & CO., INC.
How does she do that?
I cannot sleep in a public place.
Would you look at her?
She's so peaceful.
What?
It's okay. You just nodded off again.
What's going on?
I got no sleep last night.
My grandmother has this new boyfriend. . .
. . .and they're both kind of insecure in bed, so--
And deaf.
They're constantly reassuring each other they're having a good time.
You have no idea how loud they are.
You can stay with Rachel and me.
Thanks.
--95, 96, 97.
See, I told you. Less than 1 00 steps from our place to here.
You got way too much free time, man.
There's the birthday boy.
Check it out.
Hockey tickets. Rangers-Penguins tonight and we're taking you.
Happy birthday!
We love you, man.
It's funny. My birthday was seven months ago.
-So? -I'm guessing you had an extra ticket. . .
. . .and couldn't decide who got to bring a date?
Well, aren't we Mr. ''The Glass is Half Empty. ''
Oh, my God!
Is today the 20th? October 20th?
I was hoping you wouldn't remember.
What's wrong with the 20th?
Eleven days before Halloween? All the good costumes are gone?
Today's the day Carol and I. . .
. . .first consummated. . .
. . .our physical relationship.
Sex.
I better pass on the game.
I'm just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover.
The hell with hockey! Let's all do that!
Come on, Ross! You, me, Joey, ice!
Guys night out! Come on, what do you say, big guy? Huh?
-What are you doing? -I have no idea.
Come on, Ross.
All right. Maybe it will take my mind off it.
-Promise to buy me a big foam finger? -You got it.
Look, look!
My first paycheck!
Look at the window!
There's my name! Hi, me!
I remember when I got my first paycheck.
There was a cave-in in a mine, and eight people were killed.
You worked in a mine?
No, I worked at a Dairy Queen. Why?
Isn't this exciting? I earned this.
I wiped tables for it. I steamed milk for it.
And it was totally. . .
. . .not worth it.
Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money?
I mean, what--? Chandler, look at that.
This is not that bad.
You're fine for a first job.
You can totally, totally live on this.
By the way, great service today.
-Terrific! -Excellent!
Hockey!
Rachel?
Oh, my God!
I swear I've seen birds do this on Wild Kingdom.
What are you guys doing here?
We were in the city shopping, and your mom said you work here. . .
. . .and it's true!
Look at you in the apron. You look like you're in a play.
God, look at you! You are so big! I can't believe it!
I know, I know! I'm a duplex.
So what's going on with you?
Guess who my dad's making partner in his firm?
And while we're on the subject of news. . . .
Look! I have elbows!
Passes it up to Leetch.
Leetch spots Messier in the crease. Here's the pass!
We'll take a time-out while Messier looks at some women's shoes.
Carol was wearing boots just like those the night. . .
. . .that we first. . . .
You know?
In fact, she. . .
. . .she never took them off.
It's because we-- Sorry.
What?
Peach pit.
Yes, bunny?
Peach pit.
-That night, we had-- -Peaches?
Actually, nectarines, but basically. . . .
Could've been a peach.
Then we got dressed. . .
. . .and I walked her to. . .
. . .the bus stop.
I'm fine.
That woman's got an ass like Carol's.
What? I thought we were trying to find stuff.
Come on, you guys. Tell me all the dirt.
The biggest news is still you dumping Barry at the altar.
All right, let's talk reality for a second.
-When are you coming home? -What?
Guys, I'm not.
Come on. This is us.
I'm not.
This is what I'm doing now. I've got this job.
Waitressing?
I'm not just waitressing.
I mean, I'm. . . .
I write the specials on the specials board.
And I take the dead flowers out of the vase.
Sometimes Arturo lets me put the little chocolate blobbies on the cookies.
Your mom didn't tell us about the blobbies.
How was it with your friends?
Okay, how would you like some Tiki-Death punch?
What's that?
-Well, it's rum and-- -Okay.
We thought since Phoebe's staying over we'd have a slumber party.
We got trashy magazines.
We got cookie dough. We got Twister.
And I brought Operation.
But I lost the tweezers so we can't operate.
But we can prep the guy.
Rach, it's the VISA-card people.
Oh, God. Ask them what they want.
Could you please tell me what this is in reference to?
Yes, hold on.
There's been unusual activity on your account.
But I haven't used my card in weeks.
That is the unusual activity.
They just wanna see if you're okay.
They wanna know if I'm okay?
They wanna know if I'm okay. Okay, let's see.
Let's see. The FICA guys took all my money.
Everyone I know is either getting married or pregnant. . .
. . .or promoted. And I'm getting coffee.
And it's not even for me!
If that sounds like I'm okay, then tell them I'm okay. Okay?
Rachel has left the building.
Can you call back?
All right! Come on!
Let's play Twister!
-I'm sorry. -Sorry.
There was ice there that night with Carol?
Plastic seats? Four thousand angry Pittsburgh fans?
I was just saying it looks like we're not sitting together.
But now that you mention it, there was ice there that night.
It was the first frost.
Just sit down. Sit.
You should feel great. You're doing this amazing independent thing.
Monica, what is so amazing?
I gave up, like, everything. And for what?
You are just like Jack.
Jack from downstairs?
No, Jack and the Beanstalk.
Ah, the other Jack.
See, he gave up something. . .
. . .but he got those magic beans.
Then he woke up and there was. . .
. . .this big plant. . .
. . .outside of his window, full of possibilities and stuff.
And he lived in a village, and you live in the Village.
Okay, but Pheebs, Jack gave up a cow.
I gave up an orthodontist.
Okay, I know I didn't love him. . . .
See, Jack did love the cow.
But, see, it was a plan. It was clear.
Everything was figured out and now everything's like. . . .
''Flupie''?
You're not the only one. We don't know where we're going.
At some point, it's all gonna come together. . .
. . .and it's just gonna be ''un-flupie. ''
Yeah, like that's a word.
Okay, but, Monica, what if it doesn't come together?
Well, because you just-- I don't like this question.
See, you guys? What if we don't get magic beans?
I mean, what if all we've got are. . .
. . .beans.
Get him!
Get him! Get him!
Yes! You're not laughing now, are you, pal?
All you need are toothless guys hitting each other with sticks.
Pass it! Pass it!
He's open!
Shoot it!
We're on that TV thing.
Excuse me?
It says to call if you're not completely satisfied with this candy bar.
Well, I'm not completely satisfied.
It's kind of an emergency.
You know that, or we'd be in the predicament room.
Hold on.
Fill these out. Sit over there!
I don't wanna make any trouble.
But I'm in a lot of pain here, all right? My face is dented.
You'll have to wait your turn.
How long will it be?
Any minute now.
I'm so sorry, you guys. I didn't mean to bring you down.
No, you were right.
I don't have a plan.
Pizza guy!
-Thank God. -Food!
-Phoebe? -What?
Do you have a plan?
I don't even have a ''pla. ''
One mushroom, green pepper and onion?
That's not what we ordered!
We ordered a fat-free crust with extra cheese!
Wait. You're not G. Stephanopolous?
Oh, man. My dad's gonna kill me!
Wait!
Did you say. . .
. . .G. Stephanopolous?
It goes across the street. I gave him yours.
Bonehead! Bonehead!
Was this a small Mediterranean guy with curiously intelligent good looks?
That sounds about right.
Was he wearing a stunning blue suit?
And a power tie?
No, pretty much just a towel.
Oh, God!
Want me to take this back?
Are you nuts? We've got George Stephanopolous' pizza!
Who's George Snuffleupagus?
That's Big Bird's friend.
I see pizza!
I wanna see. Let me see.
Hello! Who are we spying on?
You know, the White House adviser? Clinton's campaign guy.
The one with the great hair, sexy smile, really cute butt.
Oh, him! The little guy. Oh, I love him!
Wait. Wait, I see a woman.
Tell me it's his mother.
-Definitely not his mother. -Oh, no!
She's walking across the floor.
She's walking, she's walking.
She's going for the pizza. Hey, that's not for you, bitch!
Excuse me?
We've been here for over an hour, and people less sick have gone in.
That guy with the toe thing? Who's he sleeping with?
Oh, come on, Dora. Don't be mad.
I know we both said some things. . .
. . .we didn't mean. . .
. . .but that doesn't mean we still don't love each other.
You know, I feel like I've lost her.
Lights still out?
Maybe they're napping.
Please. They're having sex.
Shut up!
So what do you think George is like?
I think he's shy.
I think you have to draw him out.
And then when you do. . .
. . .he's a preppy animal.
I remember the moonlight came in. . .
. . .through the open window, and her face had the most. . .
. . .incredible glow.
Yes, the moon, the glow, the magical feeling.
You did this part. Could I get some painkillers over here, please?
He's right, enough already. What is the big deal about today?
So you slept with her for the first time.
So what? You slept with her for seven years after that.
It's a little more complicated than that.
Is it that she left you? That she left you for a woman that likes women?
Louder. There's a man on the 1 2th floor in a coma who didn't hear you.
Then what?
My first time with Carol was. . .
. . .was my. . . .
What?
It was my first. . .
. . .time.
With Carol?
So in your whole life, you've only been with one. . .?
Oh, boy. Hockey was a big mistake.
There's a lot of stuff we could've done tonight.
Okay, I got one.
Do you remember that vegetarian pâté. . .
. . .that I made that you loved so much?
Well, unless goose is a vegetable!
Okay, fine. Now I don't feel so bad about sleeping with Jason Hurley.
What? You slept with Jason?
You'd already broken up.
How long?
A couple hours.
Oh, that's nice!
Okay, okay, I got one!
Anyway. . . .
The valentine Tom left in your locker was really from me!
Excuse me?
Hello! Like he was really gonna send you one.
She was a big girl!
Really? Well, at least. . .
. . .big girls don't pee in their pants in seventh grade!
I was laughing. You made me laugh!
Oh, my God! There he is! There he is!
-Where? -Where we've been looking all night.
-Oh, he's so cute. -George, baby, drop the towel.
Come on, drop the towel.
Man, can you believe he's only had sex with one woman?
I think it's great.
You know, it's sweet.
It's romantic.
Really?
No, you kidding? The guy's a freak. I judge him.
Hey, buddy!
That's attractive.
I thought you were great in Silence of the Lambs.
Admit it, all things considered, you had fun tonight.
Where was the fun? Tell me specifically which part was the fun part?
Where's my puck?
-The kid has it. -The kid?
Excuse me, that's my puck.
I found it. Finders keepers, losers weepers.
You gotta do it, man.
Oh, yeah? I'm rubber, you're glue. Whatever you--
I can't do it.
Listen, give me back my puck.
Yes, how about it.
Come here. Give me my puck.
No roughhousing in my ER!
Give me my puck!
Now that was fun.
Right foot, red.
Could've played Monopoly, but no!
Thanks.
Right hand, blue.
Good.
It's the VISA-card people.
Will you take my place?
All right. Yes, this is Rachel.
No, I know. I haven't been using it much.
Well, thanks. But I'm okay, really.
To the green.
I've got magic beans.
No, never mind.
To the left! To the left!
I'm fine.